There is an ever growing subculture of people who teach unconfident, sexually inexperienced men and women how to find the partner of their dreams. The world of the pick-up artist (PUA) has grown substantially since the release of the book “The Game” 10 years ago. YouTube is full of new “artists” giving basic tutorials of good opening lines to use, how to hold a conversation and how to appear confident and attractive to the opposite sex. The better PUA’s go deeper than simply teaching good chat-up lines, and really delve deep into the psychology of a human, and utilise this to engage in an interaction; it’s a fascinating thing to watch.
The PUA industry is now big business. Neil Strauss, for example, has made $5 million+, and there is no shortage of boot camps in cities across the world charging up to $3000 to teach you how to have “game” and what appears to be a queue of reclusive guys ready to invest some cash in some confidence. I don’t have a problem with people running this as a legitimate business to improve people’s lives, but you also have to acknowledge that many dishonest PUA’s may just be simply taking advantage of desperate people.
The PUA culture has faced its fair share of criticism over the years; some claim the practice is “sexist and immoral” and teaches guys that “woman are simply objects” and basically amounts to sexual harassment. A new breed of instructors have moved away from the tarnished scene to focus more on teaching students how to be more confidence, seductive and attractive to the opposite sex.
I decided to speak to Beckster about his views on pick-up artistry and how his approach to matchmaking has made him one of the most successful seduction coaches in the business for the past 19 years…
How did you get into Seduction?
Social isolation can destroy a person. I’ve had people come up to me and tell me I’m their last hope. We’ve all come across people that suffer from social anxiety or social phobia, and you don’t have to look very far to see the detrimental effects it can have including clinical depression and, in some extreme cases, suicide.
When I was younger I found myself lacking the communication and social skills I needed to deal with the opposite sex. Once I learned how to improve my life in this way I wanted to show others how to do it too. I truly believe in what I’m doing. The fact is I care about and help people; that’s the most important thing to me.
What do you think of the accusations against PUAs?
There’s good and bad to everything in life. Yes, some trainers will use PUA methods in order to just gain sex. I think it’s discourteous to suggest women are being manipulated; they are smart enough to tell when a man only wants one thing, and hey, if that’s what they both want and they are both consenting adults doing things safely and sanely then leave them to what they want to do.
The majority of PUA teachers I know, and certainly the ones I employ and associate with, are more concerned with giving their students the life skills and social abilities to find meaningful relationships.
I find that by teaching the skills that I do, in the way that I do, my clients are more aware of the importance of being respectful. In my eyes there is no point teaching a person how to treat someone badly because then someone is always left feeling worse off; teach a person how to have an uplifting and positive interaction and everyone wins!
Often, a client meets the partner of their dreams, which results in a fulfilling relationship and sometimes even marriage, which means I get to buy a new hat!
What one simple thing can a guy do to appear more attractive to women?
Are you in a relationship? How does your partner feel about your job?
Yes. They understand and see the difficulties in the world around us, how men and women miscommunicate and believe totally different things about the opposite sex. They are aware of the fact people struggle to get what they want and need. When people understand properly what it is that I do, no one thinks negatively about it.
Can these techniques really make a physically un-attractive guy, pull anyone? Isn’t appearance ultimately still important?
Humans are built on emotions. Sure, looks can have an important impact on a first impression, but that doesn’t mean the shape of your nose or your height. It can mean the way you dress to show you take care of yourself, the way you hold your body to show how you think of yourself.
People tend to think that looks are more important than they actually are, especially when getting into relationships, hence why there are so many divorces. People will see a good looking guy or woman and think they are the dream, but they forget to consider their personality, traits, interests etc. Learning social skills and the art of building rapport is key to bonding with someone, not your looks.
What qualities generally do women find most attractive in a guy?
What I call the 5 C’s: confidence, congruency, calibration, courage and conviction. A person with willingness to emote, protect their loved once, be a leader of people. Someone with a warm heart who cares. And it’s not just women who want these qualities in men; many men look for these in women too!
Do nice guys always finish last?
Nice is an odd word, it can mean so many things. If you are a “nice” guy but you don’t show emotion and passion, don’t make things interesting, and don’t interact with others effectively then it’s unlikely that you will find yourself in a fruitful situation. If you are someone who can be confident in themselves and interact with others in a positive way, then that makes all the difference. Everyone is capable of being the latter, they just need to work out how.