So. After 20+ hours of travelling across several continents, I have finally made it to Silom in Bangkok and the starting point of the Travel Experiment.
It was around 7.30pm when I arrived at my hotel, after what could be described as a gruelling journey, in more ways than one. Due to my decision to travel on a ‘budget’, I chose Jet Airways to take me to my first destination. Jet airways are a budget airline based out of Mumbai India and therefore cater mainly to an ‘Indian’ clientele.
This would not have raised a red-flag prior to booking the ticket, but you quickly begin to regret that fateful decision when you are presented with your third / fourth in-flight curried meal. This coupled with close proximity seats to my neighbors, meant that it was practically impossible to get away with a sly silent fart. A bodily function that is unarguably essential when faced with a belly fully of preheated korma and sweet porridge…
As the dinner trolley came around for its final leg. My tray looked untouched, despite being tempted to release the offending plastic pots back to their natural habitat of the toilet basin. Clearly I was not the only person to be suffering from a Jet Airways bowel malfunction as the queue for the limited toilets stretched back along the entire length of the aircraft with around twenty people crossing their legs and squeezing the buttocks. Quite the sight I can assure you…
Finally, the plane touched down and after changing my pants I made it to the hotel where my first priority was finding a beer. Fortunately, my hotel was just across the road from Patpong. Bangkok’s notorious red light district.
As soon as I stepped foot outside my hotel, I was approached by numerous street hawkers for the clubs. Nothing could prepare me for what was on the menu. Everything from: “soapy blowjobs” “boom boom” , “happy happy” and “sucky sucky” were being openly sold and touted ‘for a price’..
Eventually, I gave in to temptation and ended up in one of the strip bars, where I was lured in with the promise of 90BHT draught beer and a special VIP table on a platform overlooking the girls.
The host of the bar, a small Thai girl who looked no older than 17 and had clearly been around the block more times that milkman, quickly dropped the bombshell (before any attempt at small-talk) that I was to buy her a drink. Fair enough I thought? But, as soon as the drink arrived, this was the signal to the other 25 girls in the club that I was easy-money and I was quickly surrounded…
It’s important to be firm with the girls (no pun intended), so I politely refused their offer of a ‘discounted’ £16 shag and make my way to the exit. Despite the generous offer, catching chlamydia or having a penis amputation in the first week was not something I wanted to consider..
I left the bar and headed back down the strip where I found a snapback-hat that I liked on one of the stalls manned by a slightly angry Thai pensioner. My negotiating technique was failing miserably until I was tapped on the shoulder by an American chap and his Thai friend.
“Walk away! She will chase you back mate!” he said…
The conversation with Adam (the American) continued as we walked back down the street away from the stall and after explaining that I was travelling alone, we headed to another bar and played some pool.
It didn’t take long before the conversation turned to sex. Adam was intent on ‘shagging tonight’ and had set aside a budget of 1000TBT for a girl after struggling to charm the woman in a more traditional way.
Unfortunately, the going rate for a decent looking Thai girl in the tourist area of Patpong is 2000THB. However, Adam’s Thai friend had a trick up his sleeve. One of the waiters in the bar reliably informed us that there was an area less than 1km away that you could pick them up for 500THB a night. A bargain at only $10? Surely this is too good to be true I thought…
We all squeezed into the back of the Tuk Tuk as we set off in search of a $10 hooker — my new found friends were much more excited than me at catching an STI. Things took a turn for the worse about 5 minutes into the journey, when I asked the Tuk Tuk driver for more information about the place we were headed.
“no good, very bad people” he said in stuttered english.
“You just be carefull, mafia control the girls”
Our excitement quickly turned to fear as we realised just what we were getting ourselves into. The cheap girls obviously come at a price, and for many unlucky Farangs, we quickly discovered that this was a trap.
The street girls were controlled by some very dangerous people, and having spent a bit of time researching Thailand prior to my trip, these were certainly not people who we should be getting involved with. At this point, I realised that I had also forgotten to leave my cash supply in the hotel room, so I was now carrying with me over 20,000 baht which could result in a decent payday for anyone who wanted it. The Tuk Tuk pulled over to the side of the road as we re-evaluated out plans and all quickly agreed that no cheap girl was worth spending the next few weeks kidnapped in a brothel calling our parents to bail us out.
What transpired next was even more surprising. Some of the women are not controlled by the mafia, but live happily married lives at home and do this work on the side to make a bit of extra cash. The husbands soon get suspicious as to why their wives are spending their evenings away from the family home and follow them to “work” in the hope of catching them in the act.
He then went on to tell us a story of an Australian who recently went to the area we were headed and the husband of the wife followed them back to the hotel room, kicked down the door as they were “enjoying themselves” and stabbed the guy 15 times. He spent the next 3 months in hospital with a very large hospital bill. But fortunately survived.
Despite our drunken state, we all knew that this was a terrible idea, made a U-turn and headed back to Patpong where Dave suggested we go back to his apartment building just a few blocks down from the strip…
The apartment was the penthouse of one of the many high rises building overlooking Bangkok and he had been given the keys by his cousin who had left on a business trip a few days earlier with the strict instructions “not to do anything stupid” while he was away. A promise which we would inevitably break quick quickly.
We stopped at a 7/11 en route and picked up two packs of beers and ended up in a conversation with a group of lady-boys who were loitering outside, snacking on some deep fried insects who had now finished their night plying their trade at one of the local Go Go bars. This was the first time I had ever seen a ladyboy in the flesh and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised? My beer goggles were clearly on, but everything looked in “proportion”? Was I gay? I had never had these feeling before! The more we talked, the more I found my eyes wandering onto her perfectly formed breasts and was only brought out of my boob induced hypnosis by the sound of the Tuk Tuk driver getting impatient who was still waiting for us by the side of the road…
Without thinking, I invited them to join us. I admit it was a little cheeky of me to invite someone to an apartment of two people I had only met a few hours earlier, but I didn’t think they would mind? After all, they were half lady technically?