The biggest ever Powerball lottery officially ended in last nights historic draw with a staggering $1.568 billion jackpot at stake, as it currently stands there are three lucky winners who hold the winning tickets with more expected to come forward in due course.
Had the Powerball rolled over for another week, the prize fund was set to have exceeded $2 billion making it not just the largest Powerball Jackpot ever, but also the largest of any lottery game in the United States— Ever.
Although nobody has publicly stepped forward as yet, there has been an unconfirmed claim by a chap called Erik Bragg, from LA who uses the Instagram handle “thisguysthelimit” claiming to be in possession of one of the winning tickets.
There are two options in claiming the amount — The first is taking it all in one-lump payment which is predicted to work out to “only” $868 million before taxes, which current stands at a rate of 39.6% — On an $868 million cash payout, the federal income tax hit would be about $344 million. Ouch…
The second option would be to take the money in a yearly annuity over the course of 29 years, which many claim is a much more “profitable” decision, but even this has its own drawbacks.
If you die before collecting all your rightful proceeds — which is a very real possibility if you go on a Lamar Odom drink, drugs and high-class escort binge — then the present value of the remaining payments will be included in your taxable estate for federal estate tax purposes at a rate of 40%.
Depending on where you live, there may also be a state death tax hit, too. Your heirs would have to figure out how to pay the millions of dollars of taxes on money they have not yet received — Yes you can always borrow money, but that can get very expensive as banks will realise that you have no other option which puts them in a perfect position to screw as much as they can out of you.
Can you see how many snouts are already in the trough?
It got me thinking though, let’s say I did have $1.568 billion sitting in my current account, what would I do with it? Well, — here’s a few ideas;
The first thing which may sound obvious, is to dish out a large portion of it to my family — they deserve it for putting up with me for so long. I would set up a high interest shared account that everyone would have access to with. The interest alone could generate as much as $25 million a year so even if you went mad every day, you would probably still end up breaking even every month.
When it comes to charity I would undoubtedly also make arrangements to give a sizeable amount to causes that I feel passionate about, mainly animal charities. I would build a big farm, somewhere surrounded by lots of fields, rivers and set up a free animal retreat for pets without homes or mistreated animals etc and make them live out the rest of their lives like the King of Tonga.
Next, I would pay Megan Fox to love me and purchase this property in Barbados for a paltry $12,000,000 where I would spent a few months of the year drinking rum-punch and playing with Simon Cowell’s sun burnt nipples. I would invest some more cash into additional properties around the world in London, Miami and Thailand so I always had a place I could go if the stress of having shed loads of cash got too much.
Dan Bilzerian’s net worth is only $100 million, so that would make me at least five times as cool as him — so I would have a hair transplant to ensure my beard is better than his, and shaped in the perfect triangle. I would also steal all his women and buy enough Instagram followers to make me the coolest person on the internet (providing Megan is cool with it of course)
I have always had the dream to have the world’s highest nightclub table spend as well —years of working in the industry and seeing people like Tamara Eccleston clear out the fridges of Cristal Champagne has always made me green with envy — so I would happily drop $1 million on the greatest nightclub bottle “show” the world has ever seen, just because i’m an arrogant show-off.
I get annoyed when I hear that Dave from Shropshire has won $5 million on the lottery, but vows to “Keep on working” in his low paid factory job, driving his Ford Ka and “Counting the pennies” —Are you kidding?
There should be a law stating that anyone entering the lottery and not spending at least 10% of it on champagne and boobies should not be allowed to play — In-fact, I will quite happily donate another $2 million to the current political party in power, just to push through that piece of legislation… On second thoughts, anyone apart from Labour or the Green Party — no amount of rapey immigrants would be worth that sacrifice.
The rest would be history, Megan and I would have children with funny names like “Tallulah” or “Nathaniel the third” who would be brought up by nannies, (so we can obviously continue having fun) before we send them off to a British boarding school where they can mix with other rich posh kids! Ultimately, they will end up doing some reality TV show and spending the rest of their lives living off a very healthy allowance.
Maybe it’s just me, but if I had enough money for generations of my family to come, why force them to work? Yes, I would encourage them to have a little project to work on to keep them busy like some charity work, but I certainly wouldn’t force anything on them — Life’s too short and i’m rich beyond my wildest dreams!
What would you do? How would you spend the cash? Comment below!